so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
