like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
