Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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