census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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