What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
