Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
