I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
