he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
