I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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