What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
