if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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