I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
