OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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