Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
