You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
