Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
