So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
