I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
