The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
