all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
