First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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