her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
