we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
