just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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