I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
