We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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