you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
