She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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