Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
