Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
