She is in my trunk
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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