He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
