Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
