I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I need a beard to bite.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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