Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
