i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
