These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
