Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
