Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
