My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Found the puke drawer
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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