I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
