WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
