I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
