you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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