The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
