halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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