once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
