it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
