i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
