So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The air was thick with penises
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
